If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize