I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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