I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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