So drunk its hurt
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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