M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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