When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize