1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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