saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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