I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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