I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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