oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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