A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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