I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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