I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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