woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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