You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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