It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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