can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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