I hate all girls vehemently.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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