My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize