i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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