i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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