Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize