she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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