apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wear drunk well.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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