I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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