I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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