a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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