I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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