i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize