and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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