o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize