you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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