I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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