why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
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I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize