The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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