are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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