Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This house was built for laser tag.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize