That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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