so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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