Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just cropdusted the office
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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