your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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