i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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