I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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