Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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