Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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