I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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