you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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