Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize