I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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