I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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