Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize